# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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