I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
