cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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