69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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