so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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