Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
