i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
