can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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