I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
