In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
