So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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