The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize