I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
