Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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