Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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