8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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