so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
