We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
