i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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