nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
