yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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