highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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