i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
