Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
