You're completely useless in the revolution.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
