how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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