tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize