I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
