Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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