I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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