He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
