Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize