First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
