i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
