I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
