Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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