Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
