you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
