Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
