i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
