It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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