I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
