Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
