Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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