now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She announced her abortion via fbk
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
