I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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