I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize