No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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