He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I FOUND THE LEGS
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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