He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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