you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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