i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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