the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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