why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i think i just lost a toe
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