sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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