my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
