sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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