Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My first STD was from a foam party
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
