fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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