yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize