I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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