I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
