I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
