He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
