I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
