I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
