Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
