A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
